Consequences of Owning the Witch Title.

Considering that witchcraft has this dark misconception about it would you be outspoken about it?

I am. Because only through people recognizing you as a witch, seeing and knowing what you do and who you are will allow for the world to see us as what we are: a force of nature, wise women and men. 

Some witches might be afraid of discrimination or being feared, one of my now ex-boyfriends left me when he found out about my condition. 

Even worst my sister's first boyfriend left her coldly with a letter stating that as she was a "sinful" witch he could not risk his "salvation" by dating her as the "judgement day" was near. (this was 5 years ago by the way).

Circe, by John William Waterhouse

But also good things have comed out of being honest. The owner and manager of the first company I worked at felt it was very mature of me to embrace my way of life and being straightforward about it. I helped people that were raised in closed minded and restrictive cultures / religion to question some beliefs and think for themselves and it also helped people that felt the instinctive call for the craft to ask questions and even start practicing witchcraft. 

Every action has a consequence, but to let fear lead our decisions is not a good idea. Same goes for being gay or lesbian. We might suffer discrimination sometimes as many women do, or people with different racial backgrounds other than caucasian. But you know what they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 

Maybe that's why I've always found women wiser and more reliable. 

Why do we tend to focus on our few differences when the things that unite us are much more deeper and significant? We all feel and bleed. We all share the same sky and the same ground. So basically try not to judge someone before meeting them no matter what color they eyes are, whom they love or what they wear. Love and cooperation are stronger than fear and hatred. So set an example with your actions and be true to yourself. At least that's what I believe and practice.   

Beauty is Perception. Critique of Social Beauty Standards.

What do you consider beautiful? Do you feel comfortable on your body? For some reason there is this current obsession on achieving unrealistic standards that puts pressure on both woman and men, but specially on the first ones. Which just creates unbalance and increases stress and obsessive behaviors. Even fear to ageing, which is a natural process that occurs to every living being. 

Mona Kardashian, or Kim Lisa?

To undergo surgery procedures or develop an eating disorder are common things in our society. 

And I ask myself... What kind of life are we living if we are so focused on our external self that this obsession obscures anything else? How can we find peace if we are prompted to pursue an impossible, and changing, trend based on our body image? Beauty is conceptualized by each culture, and era, differently. So let's learn to love ourselves the way we are. Because we will always find someone that finds us ugly. Yes, despite all the make up we might wear or our body type.  But there will also be someone that thinks we are gorgeous. Of course, I am talking about acceptance. Not about resignation. If there is a physical aspect that you can work on like getting fitter or taking care of your skin to get rid of afflictions like acne. Then that is perfect, do all you can to feel comfortable in your skin and don't feel ashamed on your way there because there is no such thing as a standardized perfection. 

We can break this cycle by ignoring it. Let's stop judging (ourselves and others) based on the external appearance. And let's create a new idea of what is beautiful.
Have you ever stopped to think of why we look like we do? Well it's all about genetics. Half of it comes from your mother, and the other half from your father. At the same time your parents are half their parents and so on. So in the end our looks are a reflection of all our ancestors. Plus the choices that compound our individuality. The things we connect with. So learn to love yourself the way you are.

Once I read that a spiritually sensitive being finds delight in natural beauty, in artistic manifestations and in the simplicity of small things.Also, that he/she is able to detect beauty, and enjoy it, without pretending to possess it. Taste deeply the expressions of beauty that appear in reality, which allows you to enjoy more intensely the fact of owning life.It is beautiful what springs from the inner psychic need. Beautiful will be what is inwardly beautiful.

Lessons Learned About Love, Sex and Relationships.

Love, oh love... As the song goes: All you Need is Love! Everybody wants to be loved, to find that someone special. And yet we know very little about love and everything that comes with it: sex, relationships and romance. How come something so vital, something as basic as love isn't taught in schools?

I believe, if we had more information, everybody would enjoy better, healthier, relationships. Redundant as it might sound, I love love and anything that symbolises it, rose quartz is my signature crystal and I always liked the Greek Goddess of love Aphrodite, named Venus for the Romans. So it's a subject I enjoy getting my hands on.

The Birth of Venus, by Sandro Botticelli

First of all, before looking for someone to live with and start a relationship, I consider essential to know yourself first. And once we are well with ourselves we will have more chances to find someone to build something together. In my opinion, there is a mass false belief that exposes that we are halves who need another being to be complete and happy, that we must find our other-half in order to feel fulfilled. I honestly think such a theory is absurd. It creates feelings of dependence in your partner which can easily lead to anxiety and stress. Each of us are whole and complete people, and are able to be perfectly happy without a partner. One of my youngest sisters (she will turn 17 on September) is quite worried about never finding a partner... Actually, looking back on my teens I felt the same way. Perhaps influenced by the impact the media has over us, or maybe because in the olden times the life expectancy was much shorter and thus people had to have children at a younger age (Romeo and Juliet were 15 and 13 respectively). So let me share some of my experiences concerning love and the things I've learned over these years;

Have you ever fallen in love? I have. The first time; I was 14. I could lose myself in his eyes, and listen to him all day long. He was the first person I though of in the morning and the last one before going to sleep... He was a straight friend from high school, so nothing really happened between us...

But I learned that it is very important to be true to yourself and to let go, despite how painful and difficult it might be, when facing unrequited love. 

Not long from that I met the first guy who ever asked me out, I wasn't interested though. But instead of being clear I played around with him just to get attention, which I regret doing now. I have learned that a clear no. Is much better than a diffuse response or ghosting someone. 

I was 15 when I engaged in my first formal relationship and had my first kiss. It was awful by the way; Really slimy and oppressive. For a good kiss, I think it is important to make sure the other person knows what your intentions are, looking at someones mouth and getting close to their face is a good way to do that. Approach him/her a 90% and let the other person do the 10% left. When it comes to the actual kiss, just go with the flow. Experiment, and be honest, get to know yourself and your partner to find out what you both enjoy the most. 

He was the best-friend of the previous guy (uncomfortable I know) whom talked trash about me, and eventually he cheated on me...

I felt hurt, and lonely so I started going out with the first guy who paid any attention to me. I didn't even liked him on the first place, he did some really weird stuff with a Pikachu plush... and he dumped me once he found out I am a witch. This short, but intense, relationship taught me two major lessons. The first one: never neglect your standards and don't start a relationship out of spite. And second: It is much better to be alone than in bad company. 

Then, at age 16, I met a Spanish journalist, if I remember properly I believe he was 22 at the time. We dated for a year but it was mostly carnal. He was nice to me, but whenever I proposed to do something a bit more romantic he would excuse himself saying he was busy. In our anniversary I got him a poem book I knew he'd like and he got me some lubricant so that we could have even more sex. That was the limit for me and I confronted him about it. He confessed he was only interested in engaging in sexual intercourse. So I broke up with him, I realised how important communication is in a relationship... if only we would have talked about it earlier!

A month before my 18th birthday I met my, to this date, longest partner, he was 25 and despite his obscure and troubled past he had managed to learn five different languages, had a stable job and didn't fell into addictions or depression. He has a very strong and charismatic personality that made me admire him and at the same time he is so vulnerable, I loved taking care of him. And just a week later, I moved in with him. The place wasn't anything extraordinary but it felt like a palace to me. We burned steps way too quickly but even though our relationship lasted around 4 years we were not compatible on some key aspects that would injured the relationship on the long run. We were practically married, I truly believed we would always be together. But no matter what we tried the relationship didn't work. We were just not right for each other. I have learned that we cannot compromise our future emotions and, that in order to to make a healthy, long term, relationship work love isn't enough. It is important to know the character of the other person to know if we are compatible. And if the characters are compatible, it is necessary to have as referents some values in common, so that the coexistence is simpler in the long run, discussing things that are part of our way of thinking will only create remorse and build negative feelings. Sex compatibility is also important, good sex helps build and maintain couples. Having a good sexual relationship, usually leads to consider a more continuous relationship. And most importantly, to have a common project. Sharing experiences is essential for a couple. I believe living in harmony is not only sailing in the same boat, but paddling in the same direction.

Teenager Confessions on my Early Twenties.

During adolescence we burst with our emotions towards the outside, an exciting world full of possibilities, but that makes us feel vulnerable; Because we no longer have home's "protective atmosphere", as a teenager we are stuck in between, we are too old for kids stuff yet too young for adult matters. You feel insecure, more focused on what other's think of you than who you really are, you feel rebellious and hungry for new experiences.  

Back on my late teens I did something crazy. Just a month before becoming 18 I moved in with my boyfriend,  boyfriend I had meet just a week prior to that and that was 8 years older than me. 

I knew the truth at 17...

I didn't tell anyone, not my parents, nor my siblings or friends, not even my (back then) boyfriend and owner of the apartment I was moving into. I slowly started to take all of my belongings into his place, and one fine day I appeared with a huge suitcase, a simile and a "honey now we can live together!". 

Everyone freaked out. I don't even remember how everything exactly went,  but surely most of them were shocked. I am so not setting a good example here... I wouldn't do it again and I certainly don't recommend you to copy my behaviour. The point I'm trying to make is that during adolescence the first emotional floods appear, but the tools to confront them are still very weak and the life experience is scarce, so we are prompt to do something crazy without considering the possible outcomes and consequences of our actions.

In the beginning of our independence we are presented with an abyss of difficulties, of efforts and challenges that we will have to overcome, but it is not at all a bad thing.In fact I believe it will make you grow and mature. At least it has helped me. I sincerely believe that you begin to mature when you really take responsibility for yourself and your environment. When you realise that, in reality, it turns out you are not as mature as you thought; But that encourages you to grow and develop even further.

Then you become aware of yourself, immersed in your virtues and your defects, in short; In who you are; Without pretending or hiding and, personally, it is when I have felt more confident. Because you discover a new perception of reality, you know who you are and who you can become and then you know that nothing can stop you. You just need to be you, not what society, your family or even yourself think you should be. Just the real you.

According to neuroscientists, adolescents have extraordinary potential: At age 14, cognitive skills, and especially the ability to learn quickly, are very high. Experts say that teens seem to be more concerned about how others perceive them that how they actually feel about themselves.

Perhaps it is because since birth we are convinced that we are very different from those around us, in childhood we are taught to distrust our feelings because they say they are supposedly irrational, therefore it begins the repression of feelings and we start to interact with others through a "masc" made of a mixture of modesty, because we do not show our true feelings in case they disturb others, and distrust, believing that the less we show of ourselves the less vulnerable we will be.

Concealing our true selves and cutting off our uniqueness.

Something we must learn is to stop being afraid of not knowing and that our conscious decisions, our way of feeling life and our emotions are appropriate. If that's the way you are, it's fine, it's perfect.

In the early age of 14-15, is when adolescents begin to need to distance themselves from their parents and they do so by discussing why they want to do things their way, to be free. According to psychologists this behaviour is necessary to establish a personal identity. Also is where it appears the "disciplined devotion" that arises towards their emerging personal identity and that will shape their future life.

When we are children adults do not seem to respect us too much; We are explicitly told that we must be conformed according to their indications, since we are imperfect and ignorant.

So, convinced that their feelings and their minds are still weak, children give their authority to the adults around them.

And, as they grow, they are constantly seeking the approval of others, apologising for the way we look, hiding our emotions and competitiveness and distrust are the norm. And those brave enough who do not do that and "reveal themselves" as they are end up feeling like fragments loose and shipwrecked in the world...

Parenthood it's very important to me. And when the time comes, I want to treat my children with love and respect so that they are confident and they love themselves and others with honesty. So that they are emotionally intelligent and able to develop and find their passions. And, of course, that they continue to do so as they grow, become teens and, eventually, adults. So let's do it, let's destroy this model by starting with ourselves. By starting to treat others as equals and communicating emotionally and then educate our offspring so that they do not have these problems.

Irrational Feelings, a Not So Sweet Valentine.

Why are feelings so complicated sometimes?
My rational side doesn't really understands it. But I must confess I feel envy and jealousy for happy couples... Not in a negative way of course,  I feel happy for them. But still...
Does it have something to do with Valentine's day? Maybe. Though, it's actually about a specific guy I kind of have a crush on. I believed I was over him... I guess I was wrong.

Goodbye, my almos lover, a Fine Frenzy.

Still I don't understand my feelings,  I met him during my holidays. We loved each other only for a night.
He recently said he remembers my fingertips across his skin, my singing voice and my...
I have been going on a few dates lately and, with him, I actually felt a connection, do you know that feeling of wanting to get to know someone better? I do believe it was a reciprocal emotion. Which only makes it all that much more disappointing that we never had an actual chance to do so as we live in different countries,

We kind of kept in touch for a while, he charmed me with his seducing words and his broad smile, and I used to record some songs for him.

Now he has another lover, another boyfriend. I do think it's the best though,  I don't believe in long distance relationships and I wish them both the best. But yet... Is it normal the sorrow and envy I am experiencing?  That I wake up in the morning with the memory of him on the back of my mind. So... He is gone and yet I am hunted and I bet he's just fine...

Anyway. I know everything will be alright, at least eventually. I guess the bright side to this is that I got to contemplate and accept some emotions. Literary everybody thinks of me as a very cheerful person, I am. But not constantly. In fact I have always struggled when it comes to negative emotions. I don't think repressing or ignoring them is healthy so... Well I am working on it. :)

The Art of Losing isn't Hard to Master.

I have lost many things, my favorite crystal,  my red notebook... I have lost a friend,  a lover, even the future I once hoped for...
But as my best friend and I think. Sometimes this things in life aren't mistakes, but lessons.
The following poem by Elizabeth Bishop is one of my favorites, and to me it represents exactly that.

Daisies in a Paintbucket, by Elizabeth Bishop

ONE ART
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
So many things seem filled with the intent
To be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther,  losing faster:
Places, and names, and what it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I've lost my mother's watch. And look!
my last,
or next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

-Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
 I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident the art of losing's not too hard to master .
Though it might look like (Write it!)
like disaster.

In Search for Happiness.

At 9, visiting the acuarium.

When people talk about their objectives or goals in life, most will say something like "I just want to be happy". A lot of people want to become happy; to find happiness, and no matter what they do it always seems far away. This is because happiness is not something you need to get or win. What joy can exist in the present if you can always get a better car, better clothes, be fitter, have a better job, better relationships, etc. So happiness is always away, always in the future. 

Happiness is something you feel, it's within you, here, now. In the present.

Happiness as defined by science, is the absence of serious genetic deformations. Poets think it is beauty itself and philosophers define it as the absence of pain and/or fear. But let's not forget happiness' true nature. An emotion. 

By defining happiness as an emotion, I am suggesting that, like all emotions, it is ephemeral and therefore the first person to reach unhappiness will be the one who intends to be happy all the time. We must change our conscious attitude toward emotions.  We continue to think that happiness or unhappiness, joy and misfortune depend on others. When I believe that the secret of happiness lies within ourselves.

We can actually create more suffering in our lives by trying to avoid or suppress difficult emotions. As the Buddha said "Life is suffering". It sounds horrible I know, but life is not just suffering! It's also wonderful! Personally, I think the Buddha's philosophy is a reminder that life is not, and should't be just easy, comfortable and pain free. We need to accept  that death, heartbreaking, frustration, sickness, disappointment and fear are also a part of life. 

Try to embrace imperfection, to let go of this belief that life should be a certain way. Open your heart to uncertainty. Since I started to do that I don't fight or ignore negative emotions anymore, instead I embrace them, because I know that they are here now, but that they will go. And it's also a healing experience that makes happiness and all the other positive emotions all that much better. And the end result is peace, which stays with me always present, Even when underlined by the chaos of all my emotions.

Getting to Know Myself: Peaceful, Trusting and Cheerful.

Who am I? It's a question most of us, sooner or later, will probably ask ourselves. In my culture it's important to know yourself but at the same time to be able to transcend our Ego and its limitations for we are all and nothing. A bit confusing... I know. 

Anyway, I dug in some personality theories and test and I really enjoyed Carl Jung's colour personality model.

I am definitely Earth Green. Which one resonates with you? In addition to that I also got some astonishing accurate results on a personality test. I usually just take part on those for fun, just to see what they come up with, but I was honestly surprised this time so I am going to share the details with you!

"You experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, and joy.

"You fit in the Teacher personality trait. Teachers are emotionally balanced, which means that they are less prone to depression and are able to cope well with feelings of anxiety, anger and vulnerability. With a good sense of social awareness, they tend to be outgoing and enthusiastic, with a tendency in groups to talk and assert themselves. 

The Teacher enjoys a good balance between the real world and fantasy, they are mostly aware of and in touch with their emotions. Being open-minded to new and unusual ideas helps them to interact with the world. With a sense of social responsibility and a general trust in others, Teachers are often seen as sincere and generous. 

However, the Teacher generally has good self discipline and is recognized as being able to plan and think ahead."

"You rarely get angry and it takes a lot to make you angry, however you often resist any cravings or urges that you have, but sometimes you give in. You lead a leisurely and relaxed life. You would prefer to sit back and smell the roses than indulge in high energy activities. You are a moderately imaginative person who enjoys a good balance between the real world and fantasy. You dislike confrontations and are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny your own needs in order to get along with others, however you are not affected strongly by human suffering, priding yourself on making objective judgements based on reason. You are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy.

You are well-organised and like to live according to routines and schedules. Often you will keep lists and make plans."

"You are a calm person who is considered almost fearless by some. You rarely get angry and it takes a lot to make you angry. You very rarely feel depressed and are usually in a good frame of mind. You do not feel nervous in social situations, and have a good impression of what others think of you. You often resist any cravings or urges that you have, but sometimes you give in. You are poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed."

"Sometimes you become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. You have good access to and awareness of your own feelings. You are eager to try new activities, travel to foreign lands, and experience different things. You find familiarity and routine boring, and will take a new route home just because it is different. As a person who is open-minded to new and unusual ideas, you love to play with and think about ideas. You also like to debate intellectual issues and often enjoy riddles, puzzles and brain teasers. You like the security of tradition, but sometimes have a desire to bend the rules and challenge conventional thinking."

"You naturally assume that most people are fair, honest, and have good intentions. There are times when you believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary, however you are mostly candid, frank and sincere. People find it moderately easy to relate to you. You find helping other people genuinely rewarding and are generally willing to assist those who are in need. You find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfilment rather than self-sacrifice. You feel superior to those around you and sometimes tend to be seen as arrogant by other people."

"You believe that you have the intelligence, common sense, drive, and self-control necessary for achieving success. You are well-organised and like to live according to routines and schedules. Often you will keep lists and make plans. You have a strong sense of duty and obligation, and feel a moral obligation to do the right thing. Mostly you work towards achieving your best, although in some areas you are content just to get the job done. You have a reasonable amount of will-power and are able to follow through on tasks that you feel you need to complete. You can be distracted however and have been known to procrastinate. You take your time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives."

I do believe that we are changing, growing, evolving...  all the time. But right now I do resonate with these descriptions, of course not all of it is good, but being aware of your weak points and facing them is the only way to start working on them, and eventually, growing out of them. 

So that is why I think contemplation and self-analysis are important for self growth and I encourage you to do the same. :)

A Night's Reflection.

I'm happy that I am alive, and grateful that I'm free. And capable of doing, and feeling, and thinking.

But I have found myself in a changing phase, which I don't like, and I'm unstable… That sounds quite harsh but although I’m 21, and I’m supposed to be a fully grown capable human being… I still feel like a child in many aspects. Many parts of my mind, emotions and body remain a complete mystery to me…

Starry Night, by Vincent Van Gogh

But then I wonder.... Aren't we always changing, evolving... Well I've been through a lot of challenging and difficult things lately, I guess it's normal for me not to be so good... OMG I don’t know. It looks as though every time I try and I’m about to fulfil the requirements that I now consider valuable something happens. Which leaves me unable to proceed… Does this mean that I’m weak? Or is it just normal? Should I keep pushing, even though it might hurt?

I think I'm just afraid of not succeeding, and that is why I don't take a step forwards... Maybe I'm just tired... But tired of what? And why am I tired? I'm young! I shouldn't be. Right? But I know I have to do it, to study hard, finish my book, find a better job, get to university, find love and real friends. And I know that if I don't do it I will never respect myself.

And here I am, at 22;45pm, my room is all messy, and I feel like I want but I don't and I don't know.... Hahahaha that doesn't make any sense...

Anyway, I guess that admitting you have got a problem is the first step towards improvement. And now I face the fact that I don't really know what my problem is. As I'm writing this I'm thinking... maybe it's due to a trauma from the past... But a second thought immediately suppressed the first one. "It doesn't matter who or what is to blame. The only important thing is to find a solution !"

I’ve decided to take it slowly, I mean to work persistently though I might fail sometimes, without losing track, without being mad, without punishing myself. I hope I’ll grow, I desire to find peace and balance within myself….

Oh well I hope I'm not bothering you by opening my mind to you.... It just helps me... Good night. :)