During adolescence we burst with our emotions towards the outside, an exciting world full of possibilities, but that makes us feel vulnerable; Because we no longer have home's "protective atmosphere", as a teenager we are stuck in between, we are too old for kids stuff yet too young for adult matters. You feel insecure, more focused on what other's think of you than who you really are, you feel rebellious and hungry for new experiences.
Back on my late teens I did something crazy. Just a month before becoming 18 I moved in with my boyfriend, boyfriend I had meet just a week prior to that and that was 8 years older than me.
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| I knew the truth at 17... |
I didn't tell anyone, not my parents, nor my siblings or friends, not even my (back then) boyfriend and owner of the apartment I was moving into. I slowly started to take all of my belongings into his place, and one fine day I appeared with a huge suitcase, a simile and a "honey now we can live together!".
Everyone freaked out. I don't even remember how everything exactly went, but surely most of them were shocked. I am so not setting a good example here... I wouldn't do it again and I certainly don't recommend you to copy my behaviour. The point I'm trying to make is that during adolescence the first emotional floods appear, but the tools to confront them are still very weak and the life experience is scarce, so we are prompt to do something crazy without considering the possible outcomes and consequences of our actions.
In the beginning of our independence we are presented with an abyss of difficulties, of efforts and challenges that we will have to overcome, but it is not at all a bad thing.In fact I believe it will make you grow and mature. At least it has helped me. I sincerely believe that you begin to mature when you really take responsibility for yourself and your environment. When you realise that, in reality, it turns out you are not as mature as you thought; But that encourages you to grow and develop even further.
Then you become aware of yourself, immersed in your virtues and your defects, in short; In who you are; Without pretending or hiding and, personally, it is when I have felt more confident. Because you discover a new perception of reality, you know who you are and who you can become and then you know that nothing can stop you. You just need to be you, not what society, your family or even yourself think you should be. Just the real you.
According to neuroscientists, adolescents have extraordinary potential: At age 14, cognitive skills, and especially the ability to learn quickly, are very high. Experts say that teens seem to be more concerned about how others perceive them that how they actually feel about themselves.
Perhaps it is because since birth we are convinced that we are very different from those around us, in childhood we are taught to distrust our feelings because they say they are supposedly irrational, therefore it begins the repression of feelings and we start to interact with others through a "masc" made of a mixture of modesty, because we do not show our true feelings in case they disturb others, and distrust, believing that the less we show of ourselves the less vulnerable we will be.
Concealing our true selves and cutting off our uniqueness.
Something we must learn is to stop being afraid of not knowing and that our conscious decisions, our way of feeling life and our emotions are appropriate. If that's the way you are, it's fine, it's perfect.
In the early age of 14-15, is when adolescents begin to need to distance themselves from their parents and they do so by discussing why they want to do things their way, to be free. According to psychologists this behaviour is necessary to establish a personal identity. Also is where it appears the "disciplined devotion" that arises towards their emerging personal identity and that will shape their future life.
When we are children adults do not seem to respect us too much; We are explicitly told that we must be conformed according to their indications, since we are imperfect and ignorant.
So, convinced that their feelings and their minds are still weak, children give their authority to the adults around them.
And, as they grow, they are constantly seeking the approval of others, apologising for the way we look, hiding our emotions and competitiveness and distrust are the norm. And those brave enough who do not do that and "reveal themselves" as they are end up feeling like fragments loose and shipwrecked in the world...
Parenthood it's very important to me. And when the time comes, I want to treat my children with love and respect so that they are confident and they love themselves and others with honesty. So that they are emotionally intelligent and able to develop and find their passions. And, of course, that they continue to do so as they grow, become teens and, eventually, adults. So let's do it, let's destroy this model by starting with ourselves. By starting to treat others as equals and communicating emotionally and then educate our offspring so that they do not have these problems.
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