Spring Wishes.

As grams says: In with the new and out with the old! Springtime is finally here which means to usher in projects, fresh starts and opportunities.

These are my wishes for the year: I want progress, more balance, and romance.

So as tradition dictates, let's take an intrapersonal look at the things I am most grateful for as well as the aspects I'd like to improve about myself. You can also do this to align your thoughts, feelings and actions with the energy of this day to aid you achieve your goals. And can use my list as an example, if you wish. 

I don't know about you,
but I am feeling 22

I love my happy vibe, especially when people tell me that I brighten up their day just by being there.

On the other hand I think I should  stop avoiding conflict all the time, and be a bit more outspoken.

I am very happy with myself because I have finally come to terms with discipline and have been able to balance my exercise, healthy eating, studies, job and personal life in a responsible manner. And though I've improved a lot, there is still a lot of room for getting more experienced and mature. 

I think it is great that I am honest, assertive and confident. Though I wish I had bitten my tongue on certain occasions. I guess I should think more before spiting words out of my mouth. 

I'm delighted that I have finally stopped falling in the dick sand (that is to forget about yourself and your priorities when any guy pays attention to you just because you don't want to be single.) I have grown a lot when it comes to love and relationships in the last year. Now I can say that I've learned to be single. And I am open to a relationship. But I am not desperate anymore, basically I will welcome love if it knocks on my door but I won't lose my mind if it doesn't. 

I've always been a pretty green person, but I do want to enhance my ecological ways even more, by consuming less processed food and bake my own bread or make my own ice cream, for example. To keep on experimenting with natural cleaning products for both my own personal care (with clay, essential oils. organic natural soaps and vegetable oils) and my housekeeping (using vinegar, bicarbonate, lemon and essential oils.) Also on my clothing, by looking carefully that they are made from natural and responsibly sourced materials.

On the professional area I am quite content with my current position, it is allowing me to save some money before I start university. I just hope I will be able to add that into my personal scheme so that I can balance my studies on top of everything else without stressing out too much.

I believe that is everything for this Spring... I hope all your wishes come true as well. I know they will (if you work for them!) ;)

The Book of Shadows.

The Books of Shadows are famous for rising numerous legends.

It is already a fact that they are a sacred object for witches as they represent something more than a family book, something more than wisdom: They symbolize a living channel where each written knowledge transcends the boundaries of time and space -almost like a way of speaking directly with those who do not yet exist as part of our essence will be impregnated forevermore in our Book of Shadows-.

Perhaps this is the concept that aroused the allusion to protective spirits...

The Tubilda's Book of Shadows,
photo taken by Paula Montañes

Traditionally the witches' knowledge were transmitted orally, and passed down from generation to generation. So there was no need to record the information in a book, until the time of the persecution that is. It is believed that it was then that the first Books of Shadows were written, so called because they were born protected in the darkness, sheltered in the shadows, and because the eyes of the "uninitiated" were not to see it, nor even to know about it. 

Now, by custom, it is still called Book of Shadows although some witches prefer to call it Grimoire. Normally each lineage has a single Book of Shadows written by its members, although some also have an Initiate Book (with the basic knowledge). As for writing it there is no fixed or correct way to do it, since each lineage has its own customs.

We understand that what is a reality today it might not be true tomorrow, so we always introduce, check and update new knowledge. 

A belief only lives as long as someone believes in it, a lifestyle only exists as long as someone practices it. That is why it is so important to us to continue with the tradition, and transmit it to the next generation. Always in a tone of guidance of course, that is to explain everything from a personal point of view and sharing ideas without ever imposing them. That is why the witches of each lineage have the responsibility of writing their Book of Shadows and contribute with their own energy and creativity to develop and guide the next generation.

If you would like to write your own Book of Shadows I'll share some tips that have worked for me. You don't necessarily have to be a witch to write one. I guess we can see the Book of Shadows as a generational history book that puts emphasis on passing down knowledge, advice... It can contain anything that transmits some sort of wisdom, from an ancient tradition to a homemade recipe. It all starts with an idea. 

These books have the advantage of being open when it comes to content, structure and design.

Before beginning to write the book I recommend to have a previous idea: if it is going to be organized in chapters; If it will be ordered by categories, by degree of difficulty ... As well as content; Will it be a didactic book; Of research or, perhaps, an encyclopedic one? About what, and how many, things will you write?

 I advise the following to write your book as it is working for me!

· Make a mini-scheme where you write down the main idea that you want to transcribe. In the process of writing is much easier than it seems to get your creativity overflowing and we end up relegating the idea that we want to reflect on the background and writing about unrelated things. So I think it is better to try to keep it simple.

· It is very useful to take into account the purpose for which you write and the people who are going to read it, to suit the level of knowledge and the age of the readers. This way the communication will flow more easily.

· Finally just review the text, make sure it has the structure you want and if there is a conclusion. Check your spelling and make sure you take care of the presentation. It is completely normal to rewrite and retouch many of the things you write, in my opinion, it is best to let the writing rest a night or two before checking it. Even better if you can get someone else to read the text and see what they understand and whether they find it interesting or not.

Spring Equinox. Time of Balance and Renewal.

We are finally in March, which means the expectation and countdown for the equinox is also in the back of my mind. I love Spring. After the dark, cold winter. Days get longer and longer as they approach the spring equinox and on the special day. Both day and night have the same length. From that point on, light hours increase until reaching the longest day of them all in the summer solstice.

Irises by Vincent van Gogh

 The March equinox marks the moment the Sun crosses the celestial equator –the imaginary line in the sky above the Earth’s equator– from south to north. And indicates the first day of Spring. This happens on March the 19th, 20th, or 21st every year.

According to the Universal Coordinated Time, the March Equinox, this year, is on Monday, 20th of March 2017, at 10:29 UTC.

 Traditionally, the spring equinox, evokes renovation and rebirth of wisdom and fertility. It's a day to celebrate life and joy. Eggs, seeds and the rabbit are symbols of this day. The first two represent all the new life and the last one is one of the animals that by that time comes out of its burrow. We can see how some of this symbolism has been carried out on other cultures. As Christians use eggs and rabbits around the same time in a celebration they call Easter. While, among pagans the equinox is known as Ostara. Ostara is the name of an ancient Germanic divinity of spring, Goddess who embodied dawn and the awakening of germinative forces. It means something like "rising sun."

 The Tubilda celebrate life and use the awakening energy of spring by doing some purification rituals. We cleanse ourselves, our homes and our energies by, first of all waking up when the sun rises. And drinking a lot of water with lemon! You can do some exercise or turn on some music to bring up those good energies and, after breakfast, it is time for a deep cleaning of the hole house. Basically, everything in the house is thoroughly cleaned and we also get rid (recycle or donate) any item that we no longer need. The norm is; if you haven't used an specific item for more than a year... It is likely that you don't need it.

Spring is the epoch of beginnings and action. Night and day are practically as long at the spring equinox so it is also time for balance both exterior and interior. Renew and reborn; These are the goals of this day. So we take a closer look into the inside and we make a list of all the things we are grateful for as well as all the things we want to achieve this year. And while we meditate about that we purify our bodies, and then our home by burning the tip of some herbal cleansing sticks and use the smoke to cleanse the house, room by room.

This will energetically mop up any lingering residue within the space. This ancient technique is used to wipe away negativity and stale energy.

Smoke cleansing is a practice that has been around for a long time, though it shouldn’t be confused with smudging, a sacred ceremony performed in many indigenous communities that invites spirit to join them for their rituals. These two words are often used interchangeably, however, they are different. Smoke cleansing uses a variety of dried plants and woods to help cleanse a space energetically, removing bad vibes. The herbs we traditionally use in my family are sage, lavender, eucalyptus, rosemary and bay.

To finish up the tasks of the day we do some gardening. We usually plant seeds on fertile soil, or young trees in a forested area. Or even small plants in pots in the garden or window sill.

Afterwards the day follows as any other good party would, with a reunion of friends and family, a banquet, festive mood and celebration music and decoration where flowers and water are the protagonists. 

Are you also excited for springtime?  

Beauty is Perception. Critique of Social Beauty Standards.

What do you consider beautiful? Do you feel comfortable on your body? For some reason there is this current obsession on achieving unrealistic standards that puts pressure on both woman and men, but specially on the first ones. Which just creates unbalance and increases stress and obsessive behaviors. Even fear to ageing, which is a natural process that occurs to every living being. 

Mona Kardashian, or Kim Lisa?

To undergo surgery procedures or develop an eating disorder are common things in our society. 

And I ask myself... What kind of life are we living if we are so focused on our external self that this obsession obscures anything else? How can we find peace if we are prompted to pursue an impossible, and changing, trend based on our body image? Beauty is conceptualized by each culture, and era, differently. So let's learn to love ourselves the way we are. Because we will always find someone that finds us ugly. Yes, despite all the make up we might wear or our body type.  But there will also be someone that thinks we are gorgeous. Of course, I am talking about acceptance. Not about resignation. If there is a physical aspect that you can work on like getting fitter or taking care of your skin to get rid of afflictions like acne. Then that is perfect, do all you can to feel comfortable in your skin and don't feel ashamed on your way there because there is no such thing as a standardized perfection. 

We can break this cycle by ignoring it. Let's stop judging (ourselves and others) based on the external appearance. And let's create a new idea of what is beautiful.
Have you ever stopped to think of why we look like we do? Well it's all about genetics. Half of it comes from your mother, and the other half from your father. At the same time your parents are half their parents and so on. So in the end our looks are a reflection of all our ancestors. Plus the choices that compound our individuality. The things we connect with. So learn to love yourself the way you are.

Once I read that a spiritually sensitive being finds delight in natural beauty, in artistic manifestations and in the simplicity of small things.Also, that he/she is able to detect beauty, and enjoy it, without pretending to possess it. Taste deeply the expressions of beauty that appear in reality, which allows you to enjoy more intensely the fact of owning life.It is beautiful what springs from the inner psychic need. Beautiful will be what is inwardly beautiful.

Awakening on the Inside. The Benefits of Meditation.

The art of meditation isn't hard to master. This ancient relaxation technique aims to increase concentration and spiritual awareness. The regular practice of meditation helps to focus all attention on something concrete; A goal, our breath, a thought that you wish to attract ... And the experts on the subject affirm that it opens the door to both the growth and spiritual progress of our being.

Meditation is a method, which allows us to improve our lives, and like the oriental masters, we can discipline our minds, solve problems and begin to create our own reality.

The only thing necessary is the desire and the effort to achieve it.

One of the ways to dominate the mind is by silencing it. Meditation quietens the mind, helps you control your thoughts and revitalises your body.

Those facts are not just backed-up by spiritual individuals. It is also been proved that meditation reduces stress, anxiety and depression, as it raises the levels of serotonin, a powerful neurotransmitter, whose deficiency is linked to depression.

In addition, it activates brain areas related to positive emotions, relieves chronic pain and reduces the risk of suffering heart disease.

After several days practising meditation, without the need to have a great experience, the levels of antibodies raise.

Whenever I meditate I feel a rising peace coming from within, and expanding towards the outside expressed in a subtle happiness. I feel like the ancient Oak upon a cliff, like the serene lake with deep blue waters and like the birds swaying with the wind.  And yet I feel more awake, more centred, more present.   

Water Lilies by Claude Monet

Meditation technique;

For starters it is important to find a quiet place. As meditation has to be comfortable and secure, your posture should also be comfortable and firm. In fact you can choose any position as long as you keep the column straight, and if we wish; We can put relaxing music on.

We will close our eyes and concentrate on what we have chosen as the support of our attention.

Sit comfortably, relaxing your body as much as possible without collapsing or bending your spine. You can relax your tense muscles with these exercises:

1. Drop your head on your chest, Inhale and exhale deeply three times. Returns to the correct position.
2. Tilt the head back, inhale and exhale deeply three times. Returns to the correct position.
3. Tilt your head to the left. Then turn to the right and inhale and exhale deeply three times.
4. Then turn the head in a circle, three times to one side and three times in the other direction.
5. Breathe in rapidly through your nose until your lungs fill-up. Hold the air for a moment, after which and with a sound of ... Hah ... you will exhale through the mouth. Repeat three times.
6. Inhale slowly and deeply through your nostrils. Feeling swelling in the middle of the stomach, do it three times (this serves to remove all the air spent from the lungs).

Now with your body relaxed and breathing in a normal, though deep way, focus until you imagine your body wrapped in water, air or light.

Turn your attention to your toes. Make them relax, making the tension and tiredness disappear from them.

Repeat this with the whole body. Bit by bit. With every single part of your body. 

Finishing with the forehead to be able to focus directly into the third eye. Deepen your concentration more and more in the third eye, transcends the material self, because only then can you meet your inner self.

Just relax, and let flow up, toward the energies. Let yourself be carried by the magnetic impulses if you feel them. You can then pray, conjure, or visualise whatever you'd like. 

Before finishing your meditation session. Take a last deep breath and open you eyes very slowly. Do not rush, incorporate yourself slowly and stretch your muscles.

I find it very funny how time perception changes when you meditate. Sometimes what it feels like a minute turns out to be fifteen and what felt like an hour is just five minutes. Does that happen to you as well?

Siblinghood. I Carry Your Heart, I Carry it in My Heart.

Do you have any siblings? Coming from a large family I realise how the relationship I have with them is unique. 

It is almost like a silent presence that connect us, the following poem by E. E. Cummings expresses what I am trying to say in a much more beautiful way. Hope you enjoy it:

2016 Holidays 

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in
my heart) I am never without it (anywhere

I go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

I fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet) I want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart(I carry it in my heart)

Nutrition. The Thing that is Keeping You Alive.

Food. If you think about it our lives revolve around food. I don't know about you, but I am always looking forward to my breakfast, and then lunch and dinner. Also all major events of our lives turn around food as well; birthdays, weddings, even funerals.

The Roman God of the Seasons,
by Giuseppe Arcimboldo 

Nowadays is very easy to get something to eat, we just comfortably walk to the nearest shop, supermarket or, even, vending machine. But in the past people had to work very hard to get a single meal. In the case of vegetables, people had to grow them, plant them, care for them and safeguard them from a variety of plagues and weather conditions, recollect the fruits and vegetables, clean them, cook them, conserve and store to use in the season in which those specific plants don't grow. 

When it comes to animal produce, they had to hunt, fish or raise the animals. And once they'd manage to find and catch them, they'd had to flay, clean and prepare the meat before even been able to cook and eat it.  

It is great that most of us are no longer restricted to those activities in order to acquire the food we need to survive, but as we've given up the responsibility to grow our own food we have also forgotten why we eat (to nourish ourselves), we have lost the sacred aspect of food as well as the knowledge of the one thing that is keeping us alive. 

For the first time in history, without considering great catastrophes such as wars or a mass disease, the life expectancy of the next generation is shorter than the one of their parents. That is just insane! The report, published in The New England Journal of Medicine, says the prevalence and severity of obesity is so great, especially in children, that the associated diseases and complications -Type 2 diabetes, heart disease, kidney failure, cancer- are likely to strike people at younger and younger ages.

We are slowly killing ourselves, all due to our current sedentary lifestyle and massive intake of processed denatured "food" packed with high doses of added sugar, salt, saturated fats and preservatives, that are completely absent of beneficial nutrients. This situation has gone out of hand. But the good news is that recovering that sacred knowledge is very easy. I am not a nutritional expert but after reading several books on the subject including; Food Matters by Mark Bittman, The Body Book and The Longevity Book both by Cameron Diaz and Sandra Bark and The Great Book of Healthy Living by Txumari Alfaro and Raúl de la Rosa, to name a few. I think I have got some notions, and although I am no expert I will try to explain the basics of nutrition as well as I can:

In my opinion nutrition is not just about food. Because depending on your age, your environment, if you are physically active or not, your genetics, if you have a healthy intestinal flora, your levels of stress, among other factors, will determine the levels of nutrients and calories your body requires. Calories are the energy that each aliment contains, the more active we are the more calories we will need. Broadly there are three main groups of nutrients. 

• The ones that we need in larger amounts (named Macro-Nutrients) composed of Carbohydrates,  Proteins, and Fats.
• The ones that are needed in a less greater amount, but are still essential, (known as Micro-Nutrients) which are Vitamins and Minerals.
• And a third group is Water, and though not really a nutrient, but that also has a direct effect on them, we find Fibre.  

Let's get some more specific details of each of them, shall we?

CARBOHYDRATES 

These are the main source of energy to our body and our brain. Carbohydrates are turned into glucose, a type of sugar, by our bodies and used to provide energy in a cellular level.

Plants make them trough a process called photosynthesis; by mixing the energy of the Sun, water and carbon dioxide from the air. 

Though glucose is a type of sugar, refined sugars that we find on biscuits, cakes, fizzy drinks, and other processed foods, are not nutritious, that type of processed sugar is known as Sucrose.
There are many types of sugar but the following three are te more common: Glucose, Fructose and Sucrose. Glucose is practically everywhere and fuels out bodies, Fructose is the sugar found on Fruits, that is healthy because fruits are also packed with fiber that slows down the abortion of those sugars. Sucrose, on the other hand, adds empty calories to our meals and studies have shown that sucrose sugar bypasses the hormones that tell you're full which means you can overeat without realizing it. Even worst, in order to be processed trough our bodies it consumes B type vitamins, so it is not just empty, it is also stealing valuable vitamins!

Good sources of carbohydrates are whole grains, such as brown-rice, oats or quinoa. Vegetables like sweet potatoes, beetroot, kale and spinach. Fruits, for example, apples and grapefruit. And legumes like chickpeas, beans and lentils.

PROTEINS 

Proteins are strength. They are broken down into amino acids by our bodies in order to repair and build muscle. Protein are essential components of body cells and are composed of carbon, hydrogen, oxygen and nitrogen.

All the tissues of the body (bones, skin, muscles, organs...) have a group of proteins to perform their functions. Proteins contribute to cell building, growth and repair. The body needs protein to grow and regenerate.

The best sources are low-saturated fat foods like fish, legumes, eggs, poultry, seeds and nuts. If you opt for a vegetarian or vegan diet take into consideration that protein obtained from almost all plants lack one or several essential amino acids, plant sources must be combined with a complementary vegetable to form complex proteins.

FATS

Healthy fats are essential. Fats belong to the group of lipids, are composed of carbon, oxygen and hydrogen. They form a fundamental part of the cell membrane and their role is primordial in the absorption of some vitamins and minerals to keep you healthy. Also, fats help balance our body temperature.

There is this widespread belief that fats are unhealthy and undesirable, so lets re-friend fats, they don't deserve to be treated that way! There are three types of Fats: Saturated (the one we should avoid), Monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats.

A diet rich in monounsaturated fats, present in vegetable oils (the best is olive), avocados, peanuts and walnuts, reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease.
There are two types of polyunsaturated fats: the omega-3 fatty acids that are found in fish oils. They regulate blood pressure, coagulation and enhance immune responses, as well as keeping a healthy functioning brain, retina and spine. And omega-6 fatty acids, which are found in sunflower, rapeseed and corn oils. Essential for growth, cell structure and maintenance of a healthy immune system. 

Saturated fats, on the other hand are present in coconut and palm oils, although they are more abundant from animal origin derived from red meat and dairy products such as sausages, whole milk, cream or ice cream.
The ingestion of these fatty acids should be limited as they increase the danger of cardiovascular disease.

VITAMINS & MINERALS

Unlike macro-nutrients, vitamins and minerals do not provide energy and are only required in small amounts, but their role is crucial in the normal functioning of the body and in the digestion process. Vitamins are organic, as opposed to minerals which are inorganic substances.

There are many types of vitamins and minerals, with a variety of functions. like keeping your skin, and hair smooth and healthy, Others help you not to be tired and to think clearly.

The main source of them are fresh fruits and vegetables. Make sure you eat a variety of them! And avoid "vitamin drinks" as they are artificially added, the body cannot absorb them and are usually packed with sucrose.
Calcium, vitamin D, phosphorous and magnesium are used to build bones.
Iron, copper, folate and vitamin B12 are the blood formers
Vitamins C, A and E, selenium and beta-carotene are antioxidants.
Thiamin, riboflavin, niacin and vitamin B6 keep you from tiredness as thy help transform carbs into glucose.
Sodium, potassium and chloride are the hydraters.    

FIBRE, 

It is actually a type of carbohydrate, but humans cannot digest it, but it is great at aiding our digestive track exercise. It balances cholesterol in our blood and aids with weight loss. Nullifies constipation and prevents diabetes as it regulate sugar levels, and even helps prevent colon cancer.

There are two types of fibre; Insoluble, known as cellulose, and soluble. The first one helps move food and waste down your digestive system. The second one is absorbed in the body and slows digestion to ensure maximum nutrient absorption.

Fiber is found in whole grains like oats, wheat or barley, vegetables like broccoli, carrots and cucumbers, seeds and nuts, fruits like oranges and grapes and legumes like beans or lentils.    

WATER

The truth is that we owe our existence to water because it explains to the cells of the body how to distribute energy to make it balanced and productive. In fact water performs so many functions that it is consider it to be life in its most intimate essence; Invigorates, nourishes, transports, lubricates, reacts, stabilises, signals, divides, structures and communicates.

The body needs around two litres of water a day to stay hydrated. Make sure to check your thirst. Being thirsty means you have been needing water for a while. Signs of dehydration include: Dry mouth and skin, a blurry mind, headaches, confusion, fast heartbeat and weakness.

Make sure you drink a lot of water right after you wake up, since the body hasn't got any for, at least, 8 hours, drinking it will revitalize your hole body, it is a great morning ritual!. Remember, the best source of water is water. Not energy drinks, lemonade, coffee, tea, alcohol nor fizzy drinks!     

A Natural Home.

I love visiting my friends houses, so many aspects of our personally are reflected in our rooms! Apparently adolescents have messy rooms as a reflection of their boiling hormones in the inside. Harmony with nature is one of my greatest ideals and, of course, if you know me you can tell it is also reflected in my home.

White Oak,
photo taken by Darius Tubilda

A natural home reflects a healthy relationship with the environment and a balanced life style. So let me share some tips to enhance the natural energies in our homes;

Always make sure that the house where you live and its furniture are made from ecological building materials; Since they have the advantages of being less polluting, healthier (as they don't release noxious substances) and are more pleasing to the senses and our spirit.

Adobe, stone, brick, bamboo wood and gypsum are healthy and environmentally friendly materials because they require little energy in their production (compared to their synthetic substitutes like aluminium and steel). But to really fulfil their ecological function, their place of origin must be as close as possible to the retailers as it avoids - or diminishes - pollution and energy consumption produced by transport.

We have to be very careful with the type of paint and the varnishes. Since the chemicals they have give off toxic vapors over the years, compounds capable of generating serious disturbances in those who inhale them.

Luckily there are natural paints made from resin that, after drying, they can be washed and they maintain a great capacity of absorption and diffusion. Or mineral paints such as the ones made of lime and silicate; these have porous (allowing a perfect breath of the wall), and are resistant to pollution, fungi and bacteria and can also be washed.

Chemical varnishes emit toxic gases for a long time and denature the materials in which they are applied. So our best option will be to use varnishes proceeding of natural oils (composed of flax-seed oil, castor oil, balsam and pine resin, ground pigments and citrus peel distillates).

Also we have to take into account the fabrics we use - in clothes, sheets, curtains, etc. - organic and natural fabrics are much better: wool, cotton, linen, silk ... since they allow perspiration and are free of toxic substances. And we will avoid clothes that are resistant to wrinkles, that repel stains or water, that do not need ironing or that do not shrink as they are synthetic.

Building insulation is also important. Some healthy and ecological options- as long as they are local products - are:

Cotton, cellulose, cork, fiber of hemp or coconut, wool, linen, wood or straw.

In plumbing it is very important to avoid plastic materials derived from chlorine, such as PVC: they are harmful to our health and to the environment, and very dangerous in case of fire.

As well as the materials it's important not to bring chemical toxins whit our cleaning products. A very easy to make (and economic) homemade recipe for natural cleaning consists in mixing soda bicarbonate,  distilled white vinegar and water. It is great as a multipurpose cleaning solution and you can always add a few drops of essential oils such as pine or teatree to add aroma and extra disinfecting properties. Without jeopardizing your health nor the people you love.

Lessons Learned About Love, Sex and Relationships.

Love, oh love... As the song goes: All you Need is Love! Everybody wants to be loved, to find that someone special. And yet we know very little about love and everything that comes with it: sex, relationships and romance. How come something so vital, something as basic as love isn't taught in schools?

I believe, if we had more information, everybody would enjoy better, healthier, relationships. Redundant as it might sound, I love love and anything that symbolises it, rose quartz is my signature crystal and I always liked the Greek Goddess of love Aphrodite, named Venus for the Romans. So it's a subject I enjoy getting my hands on.

The Birth of Venus, by Sandro Botticelli

First of all, before looking for someone to live with and start a relationship, I consider essential to know yourself first. And once we are well with ourselves we will have more chances to find someone to build something together. In my opinion, there is a mass false belief that exposes that we are halves who need another being to be complete and happy, that we must find our other-half in order to feel fulfilled. I honestly think such a theory is absurd. It creates feelings of dependence in your partner which can easily lead to anxiety and stress. Each of us are whole and complete people, and are able to be perfectly happy without a partner. One of my youngest sisters (she will turn 17 on September) is quite worried about never finding a partner... Actually, looking back on my teens I felt the same way. Perhaps influenced by the impact the media has over us, or maybe because in the olden times the life expectancy was much shorter and thus people had to have children at a younger age (Romeo and Juliet were 15 and 13 respectively). So let me share some of my experiences concerning love and the things I've learned over these years;

Have you ever fallen in love? I have. The first time; I was 14. I could lose myself in his eyes, and listen to him all day long. He was the first person I though of in the morning and the last one before going to sleep... He was a straight friend from high school, so nothing really happened between us...

But I learned that it is very important to be true to yourself and to let go, despite how painful and difficult it might be, when facing unrequited love. 

Not long from that I met the first guy who ever asked me out, I wasn't interested though. But instead of being clear I played around with him just to get attention, which I regret doing now. I have learned that a clear no. Is much better than a diffuse response or ghosting someone. 

I was 15 when I engaged in my first formal relationship and had my first kiss. It was awful by the way; Really slimy and oppressive. For a good kiss, I think it is important to make sure the other person knows what your intentions are, looking at someones mouth and getting close to their face is a good way to do that. Approach him/her a 90% and let the other person do the 10% left. When it comes to the actual kiss, just go with the flow. Experiment, and be honest, get to know yourself and your partner to find out what you both enjoy the most. 

He was the best-friend of the previous guy (uncomfortable I know) whom talked trash about me, and eventually he cheated on me...

I felt hurt, and lonely so I started going out with the first guy who paid any attention to me. I didn't even liked him on the first place, he did some really weird stuff with a Pikachu plush... and he dumped me once he found out I am a witch. This short, but intense, relationship taught me two major lessons. The first one: never neglect your standards and don't start a relationship out of spite. And second: It is much better to be alone than in bad company. 

Then, at age 16, I met a Spanish journalist, if I remember properly I believe he was 22 at the time. We dated for a year but it was mostly carnal. He was nice to me, but whenever I proposed to do something a bit more romantic he would excuse himself saying he was busy. In our anniversary I got him a poem book I knew he'd like and he got me some lubricant so that we could have even more sex. That was the limit for me and I confronted him about it. He confessed he was only interested in engaging in sexual intercourse. So I broke up with him, I realised how important communication is in a relationship... if only we would have talked about it earlier!

A month before my 18th birthday I met my, to this date, longest partner, he was 25 and despite his obscure and troubled past he had managed to learn five different languages, had a stable job and didn't fell into addictions or depression. He has a very strong and charismatic personality that made me admire him and at the same time he is so vulnerable, I loved taking care of him. And just a week later, I moved in with him. The place wasn't anything extraordinary but it felt like a palace to me. We burned steps way too quickly but even though our relationship lasted around 4 years we were not compatible on some key aspects that would injured the relationship on the long run. We were practically married, I truly believed we would always be together. But no matter what we tried the relationship didn't work. We were just not right for each other. I have learned that we cannot compromise our future emotions and, that in order to to make a healthy, long term, relationship work love isn't enough. It is important to know the character of the other person to know if we are compatible. And if the characters are compatible, it is necessary to have as referents some values in common, so that the coexistence is simpler in the long run, discussing things that are part of our way of thinking will only create remorse and build negative feelings. Sex compatibility is also important, good sex helps build and maintain couples. Having a good sexual relationship, usually leads to consider a more continuous relationship. And most importantly, to have a common project. Sharing experiences is essential for a couple. I believe living in harmony is not only sailing in the same boat, but paddling in the same direction.