I Like...

I like to go out when it´s raining. Very few people are outside and the ones who are hurry the hell up to get home. Muffled by the rain´s own music, I can sing as loud as I feel. If it´s a warm summer storm I leave the umbrella home and I sing and dance till I´m soaking wet and blissfully exhausted.

I like going to the beach at fall. When the sun´s bright and warm but it doesn´t burn and, if you listen carefully, you can hear spirit´s whispers in the wind. I love walking by the seashore, sometimes for hours, collect seashells and meditate by a campfire. 

I like herbs and flowers. To fill my home with them, smell them, make natural crowns, healing and shooting teas and ointments. I like to see them grow and, strangely, I feel like they keep me company...

Dancing in the Rain, by Amira Rahim

I like dreams. All of them: daydreaming, lucid dreams and even nightmares. I like to re-tell my dreams, dissect them and draw meaning out of them. 

I like those special nights with the coven. I like the intimacy a dark room lit only by candles, a warm drink and our small yet close circle provides. Usually guarded by the foll moon it´s a night of guaranteed gossip, laughter, secrets and magic. 

I like kisses. Romantic, passionate kisses. The special ones, those kisses that freeze time and make your mind fuzzy. Long kisses that are sweet and acid, soft and rough but always warm. 

Even if it sounds crazy I like missing you, and him and he... I miss those private moments, I miss those first times... I miss the way I used to look at you in the eyes. 

I like to think new first times to miss will come... Maybe one will stay and make me feel home... 

The Art and Secrets of Practicing Magic.

"Magic is as old as the universe and so are you." That´s what our grandma said to my siblings and me when we started learning about spells, rituals and magic.  

Basically: performing magic is the ability to manipulate and shift our energy to summon a favourable "spiritual environment" for whatever you need; attract love, improve health or curse someone. 

We wanted to wear luxurious tunics with intricate magical symbols on them; cast sacred circles with our athames (ritual knives with a double edge) and the consecrated candles; wear the quartz and selenite amulets; pronounce the incantations of the book of shadows; and purify our mind and bodies with the fennel potion and the smoke of cleansing herbs like sage or eucalyptus.  

Magic Circle by John William Waterhouse

But true magic is not about any of that. Many rituals and incantations might include these or a large variety of other objects or tools. But real magic is all about energy.

Our grandma taught us that the most important thing any witch needs to learn is the ability to align your own personal energy with the natural energies of the universe.

The first thing you should understand is that witches believe that absolutely everything is connected. Therefor the creative energy of the universe is also a natural part of us.

The main tool we use to do magic is our own will power. But just that won´t do.

Visualizing, wishing and concentrating your will power are important. Just as important as being one with the creative energy of the universe in what I call "the magic state".

In order to enter the magic state we need to overcome our three main human "limitations" that separate us from this powerful energy and successful magic.

We will need to forget the idea of time. Since seconds and minutes, or concepts such as the future and the past are all human inventions. In the world of magic and energies time doesn´t exist and all possibilities coexist in the present.

Your consciousness needs to be fully present in the here and now. 

We will also need to forget about the "physical world". For us, mortal beings, disconnecting from everything physical is extremely hard. We are constantly feeling and thinking about our surroundings and are victims of our senses. But we need to understand that in the energetic realm nothing is impossible the material affects the intangible and so it works the other way around. 

Last but not least, we need to surpass the idea each individual has about themselves. Namely our ego. We need to get rid of all the concepts and beliefs we hold about ourselves; our feeling of belonging to a group, our occupation and ideals. Because in the energetic and magical level we are nothing and we are everything at the same time. So we need to, momentarily, abandon our reduced human life and truly be one with the universe.  

In our coven we accomplished this with meditation and the raw contact with nature. But other things can trigger the magical state too. 

I´m not going to lie, it feels amazing to enter this mode and the first times I did I wanted to stay in it forever. You feel more centred, somehow more alive. Intensely present and happy. More than happy I think I´d say peaceful. You feel a great serenity that rises through your body and somehow you know that everything is as it should be and you also feel an amazing power.     

Story Time: That time I Got Attacked by a Ghost.

Do you believe in ghosts and spirits?

When I was little I used to dream, recurrently, that spirits visited my bedroom at night. They would carry my bed around the house. It felt like an amusement park I actually enjoyed it. 

Portrait of a Weary Ghost, by M. Tumulty

These supernatural dreams just stopped one day. And I must confess I sort of missed them. That is until last summer when the events of the story I'm about to tell you occurred:

It seemed like a totally uneventful day, but for some reason, I felt weird right when I was about to go to sleep. So I decided to sleep upside down. By that, I mean that I took my pillow to the other side of the bed. Why did I do that? I don't know. What I do know is that it didn't help, it felt even weirder. 

Anyway, I fell asleep. I'm usually a pretty heavy sleeper so waking up in the middle of the night was strange enough but the first scary thing was that, though my eyes were open, I couldn't move at all. Not even a little. 

I tried not to panic and looked around the room. It was definitely my room. It was not a dream. Yet, I couldn't move. 

My paralysis wasn't the only thing I had to worry about. I could sense a presence. Something invisible, a strange force was there in the room with me. I kept trying to move, to run, but it was in vain. The strange presence grew stronger as if fed by my fear and then it touched me. 

I felt a pressure on my legs. Whatever that thing was it was grabbing me with ease. I was defenseless but I desperately tried to shake the ghost off of my leg. Indeed, all for nothing. I wasn't able to move! It didn't take me long to realize that that strategy wasn't going to work. If I was dealing with an ethereal being, fighting using physical strength was not going to work anyways. So I used my mind instead. I concentrated all my mental energy on getting rid of that thing. I was scared but I also liked the fact that in an extreme situation, like this one,  instead of panicking and crying I confronted the danger and was determined to win. Somehow I freed myself but I was immobile still.  

The presence struck back more violently. It grabbed me by the waist. The thing took me higher and higher into the air. I wanted to scream, in my mind, it was so loud but no-one heard a thing. I don't know how or why but I fell back down to my bed and I regained the ability to move. I ran to my desk, opened the drawer where I keep my crystals and positioned a few in a circle around my bed. I also took my rose quartz pendant and put it on. Then I went back to sleep, ready to defend myself from any ghost, spirit or demon. It had chosen the wrong victim! 

Everything went back to normal after that, no more attacks, no more immobility, nothing. Next morning I thought for a second that it was all just a dream, but I was wearing my pendant and the protective crystals laid circling my bed. 

Nothing like it has happened ever since. Was it an evil spirit? Was it a hallusination produced by what is known as dream paralisis? 

My First Broken Spell.

Guilt, what a terrible feeling. 

If we feel guilty it must mean that we did something wrong. something we are ashamed of. But also that we repent and that we are willing to set things right.

I know I should not have given him the love potion, it was an act of despair. And though he was with me, I could see his mind wasn't there... I'm not entirely sure it was my magic's doing or if it all was going to happen anyways. What I did know is that it was all I wanted but not like that. 

Midnight Snow Songs, by Leonid Afremov

So, on the solstice night, I confessed it all to my sisters. And despite them being incredulous, mad and a little shocked at me for what I did they helped me cast a counter-spell and were very supportive, I am really blessed for having them. 

And I also came clear to him about the whole potion business. He knows I am a witch but he definitely was not expecting that. He obviously got really mad and probably felt betrayed. He has been keeping his distance ever since... I miss him and I hope I can see him again soon. 

I feel sad, but I'm focusing on the little things that make me happy and relying on my family at the moment. 

At least I don't feel guilty anymore. 

Happy holidays everyone!

The Forbidden Potion.

So I did it.

I offered the love elixir, hidden in some homemade chocolates. While he consumed it I looked at him in the eye and kissed him afterwards.

This raises many questions. Was it immoral to do what I did? Would he have loved me anyways without using magic and potions? How would he react if he ever found out?

Purple Wild Flowers, by Pol Ledent.

To be completely honest I am not used to casting this type of spells. Let alone preparing love potions. Don't get me wrong as a witch I am familiar with summoning and setting the protective Circle and I am acquainted with purifying and cleansing rituals, like the ones I host for on the solstices and equinoxes or the monthly re-energizing coven ritual that we do with every full moon phase. 

But I hardly ever perform self-gain based spells. 

Well on my defense I'll say he and I are already kind of dating. Then, I started developing stronger feelings. So I decided to ask him out in a proper formal way. He refused, as he has "emotional issues", whatever that means. But said he doesn't want to lose me. However, I decided to stop seeing him for my own sake. It seemed the wisest thing to do. But he charmed his way back into my life with sweet words and indulging memories, thus arousing old fantasies of a future in common.

So I said to myself "What the hell?", we had dinner, made love and promised to see each other again. But this time I could not let his insecurities gamble with my heart, I am a witch after all, so I waited to the crescent moon, got my rose quartz ready, searched for the Venus' seal, bought the ingredients, set the ritual and blended the potion.  While I was casting the spell, my hands started burning. Not literally, but the strong feeling of heat was unmistakable. That was happening to me for the first time, but I carried on and went to bed. During the following days, I was not myself at all. I acted completely out of impulse, burst into laughter or started singing out of the blue. (Ok, the last one isn't that weird on me, but this time it was different. Trust me.) Even when I was consciously making the effort to keep up appearances, I could clearly feel the eyes of people on me. Was I going crazy? Also, I felt happy, nervous, powerful, afraid and free all at once. 

Right before tempting him with my little present I felt great. Immensely confident. Even my voice changed! And once it had touched his lips and entered his system I felt a great urge to kiss him, and so I did. After that all my previous worries banished. All that "how am I going to make him love me?" doubt disappeared and in its place, I felt peace. He didn't leave me off of his side for the rest of the evening and cuddled me up all night till we fell asleep. 

I hope his love gradually awakes as I asked for in my spell:

"With every kiss, 

with every night we spent together..."

And I really hope I did the right thing here. 

Wish me luck... He hasn't pledged his eternal love to me (yet) but regardless I feel happy. 

Confusion, Secrets and Decisions.

Oops... It looks like I've been quite absent lately, I actually intended to write and publish a post for the summer solstice, but a series of events shifted my whole world. I thought I had things under control, but it seems that I am in a moment of change. 

Bridge of Caos, by Derek K. Nielsen

The guy I was "dating" left me. 

At work, my position was made redundant, so I got fired.

I applied for a uni course, after collecting all the required documentation... it got rejected. 

I had nothing. 

I'm guessing that a normal person would have been devastated but I know that everything is interconnected and I hold the view that everything happens for a reason, so I stayed calm, receptive, decentered and open to the energies. 

Maybe it all even was beneficial, perhaps I needed some turmoil to discover my resilience, I think it's good to treasure this kind of lessons, it also built my confidence up, shortly after losing my job I got a few interviews and landed a job. It isn't my dream job but... oh well it pays the bills. 

And then, unexpectantly, I met someone... We got on like a house on fire and things immediately heated up, after just a few days I won't say I'm in love, but now he's gone and I miss him deeply. Could it be that I am hungry for a relationship? 

Anyway, I'm taking all the above as signs and I have made the choice to change my life dramatically by moving to another country. Crazy? I know, but I don't care. 

Only a few people know the truth, I'm trying to keep it to myself for as long as I can. 

Uncertainty scares me.
  

He has shown signs that he likes me, but I've no idea how our relationship will develop, if at all. 

I'm afraid there is no turning back, and I don't know if I'll adapt there...

But still, somehow, I feel cheerful and optimistic on the inside. Weird, isn't it?

Happy Birthday Lirnfi!

Happy Birthday Lirnfi!

Wow 18 already it's hard to believe how time flies! It seems as though it was yesterday that we played that cars were monsters that fed on people to be able to move and had little plush-wars. 

You were always the quiet one, so I'm very happy to see that you've come out of your shell, that you are a little bit more out-there with Julia and I wish you the best with your tattoo artist passion, and though at that age you just want to eat the world and run wild let me advice you that sometimes is a good idea to slow down, to be a bit more centered and share your feelings. 

Even myself, though I'm technically a "man" I'm still a child in many aspects. And I'm starting to think that the moment of realizing that we're not as mature as we though is when we actually start maturing. 

So keep going and believe in yourself as much as I believe in you my darling. Apart from that, I'd also like to say thank you. 

Lirnfi Tubilda. 

Thank you for being a great support like the ground, though you were quiet and sometimes went unnoticed we could really feel  when you weren't there. Every time I think of you I remember the voice of consciousness, your amazing drawings, the days that you used to be my little princess and the amazing day when we could read each other's mind with telepathy! 

You are strong, talented and perceptive. You are on my mind every time I pass by the always green succulent plants, on the red berries of the Yew tree, in the deep blue and in the Tiger's eye crystals. I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart. 

So basically, happy birthday. But most importantly... Which color do you want your lollipop to be?

Love Spell.

The secrets of Love aren't known by many.

The Love Potion, by Evelyn de Morgan.

You'll feel an eternal thirst,

you'll feel an insatiable hunger,

but you won't know that love

melts and fuses

and feeds and satiates, 

the depths of your heart. 

I'll throw it in the wind, 

and you'll smell the roses.

I'll sing it to the Moon,

and you'll hear my call.

You'll suffer in silence

thinking and wondering

in dreams and nightmares

until our lips find the other's warmth.

Look me in the eye and you'll know Love.  

  

Consequences of Owning the Witch Title.

Considering that witchcraft has this dark misconception about it would you be outspoken about it?

I am. Because only through people recognizing you as a witch, seeing and knowing what you do and who you are will allow for the world to see us as what we are: a force of nature, wise women and men. 

Some witches might be afraid of discrimination or being feared, one of my now ex-boyfriends left me when he found out about my condition. 

Even worst my sister's first boyfriend left her coldly with a letter stating that as she was a "sinful" witch he could not risk his "salvation" by dating her as the "judgement day" was near. (this was 5 years ago by the way).

Circe, by John William Waterhouse

But also good things have comed out of being honest. The owner and manager of the first company I worked at felt it was very mature of me to embrace my way of life and being straightforward about it. I helped people that were raised in closed minded and restrictive cultures / religion to question some beliefs and think for themselves and it also helped people that felt the instinctive call for the craft to ask questions and even start practicing witchcraft. 

Every action has a consequence, but to let fear lead our decisions is not a good idea. Same goes for being gay or lesbian. We might suffer discrimination sometimes as many women do, or people with different racial backgrounds other than caucasian. But you know what they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 

Maybe that's why I've always found women wiser and more reliable. 

Why do we tend to focus on our few differences when the things that unite us are much more deeper and significant? We all feel and bleed. We all share the same sky and the same ground. So basically try not to judge someone before meeting them no matter what color they eyes are, whom they love or what they wear. Love and cooperation are stronger than fear and hatred. So set an example with your actions and be true to yourself. At least that's what I believe and practice.